Other Mommy: Origin Story

Who among us hasn’t wished that we could clone ourselves? “There’s just not enough time in the day...I wish there could be two of me!” Thankfully, I am one of few of us that had this foresight in utero and did exactly that-cloned myself. Let me tell you…having an adult twin totally justifies the energy expenditure of embryonic division. The return of investment has been phenomenal!

My sis and I have never known life without each other. We have been with each other for all of life’s hardest moments. Moves, middle school, marriages and babies. And with the exception of some pretty volatile years as teenagers, we have remained the best of friends. I’ve always enjoyed having a twin, but it wasn’t until I had my own children that I began to see how amazingly convenient a twin sister can be.

Twinning!

When my youngest son was just shy of his first birthday, he woke up from his nap struggling to catch his breath. After a swift visit to the pediatrician, the decision was made to admit my baby boy to the hospital. When my sister heard about this she rushed to the hospital without hesitation. She brought me a new pack of underwear, a change of clothes and offered to care for my oldest son.

My oldest son was only a toddler himself and we had never been separated for more than a night. I was extremely worried. I had no idea how long our hospital stay might be and I feared the separation might be intolerable for the little guy. Yet, I was certain that the needs of my sick baby and the demands of hospitalization took precedence.

After a grueling four days, the symptoms subsided and my little one was discharged from the hospital. Finally, I could return to my oldest son! As we drove to pick him up, I fantasized of our blessed reunion! Much like the famed reunion of Kevin McAlister with his parents in the 1990 feature film, Home Alone, I anticipated that all sadness and resentment would melt away the moment our eyes met. I imagined that my son would sprint to meet me, we would embrace, shed tears of joy and rejoice in gratitude.

Finally, we arrived. My heart pounded as I raced to the door and crossed the threshold with great expectation. There he was. My eldest son…the one who made me a mama. Our gaze met. I raced to him and smothered him with hugs and kisses. And, in the most hilariously underwhelming moment of my life, my son swiftly and casually reciprocated and returned to play with his cousins.

Bewildered, I began to pontificate, “Are you kidding me? I haven’t seen him in FOUR DAYS!!! What is his beef?” My sister, noticing my confusion, stepped in to assuage my confusion and hurt. As she explained, my son hadn’t noticed that he had been separated from his mother for the better part of a week. Unable to distinguish between his identical aunt and his mom, he assumed that he had been staying with his mom the entire time. He had even referred to her as “mommy” for the duration of his stay. As far as he knew, there had been no separation. Thus, the lackluster reception.

It would have been easy to feel hurt or miffed at this experience. In fact, when I share this story with others, they often assume that sentiment. Yet, this was not the case for me. The way I see it, what could have potentially been a difficult separation for my child ended up being just a fun sleepover with mommy at his cousin’s house. I was able to dodge a serious bullet just by virtue of having a twin sister!

Many years have passed since this hospital stay. Though both of my children have learned to distinguish between their aunt and mother, they continue to refer to us as “mommy” and “other mommy.” It’s a little weird, I know. But, honestly, I couldn’t be more pleased!

OG Mommy and Other Mommy during our annual birthday tradition

Parenting is hard, y’all! Even in the best of circumstances, it is overwhelmingly difficult at times. There are sleepless nights, 100th day of school t-shirts, homework, weird rashes and potty training to navigate. As parents, we encounter new and unexpected situations with our children on a regular basis. And the support of another mommy can be a total game changer!

For many of us, asking for help doesn’t come naturally. Depending on someone else might feel burdensome. Yet, the old adage is true. It takes a village to raise a child. Parents and children thrive when they are connected to a safe and loving community. By maintaining caring connections, parents gain much-needed support and children learn to rely on others as well. It’s a win-win!

Staying connected with others is not always easy. It takes hard work and intentionality but it is well worth it. Find your community. Find your other mommy and be the other mommy!